THE ANGRY FICUS REVIEWS : "EVA SAVE A LOT"

If you have a TV you have seen Eva Save A Lot. "Save a buck or two" right?

Good slogan. It worked on me. There I was calling the mom ficus collect and I thought, Hey, save Mom "a buck or two." And tapped out 1-800-COLLECT.

Three days later I got a letter from the mom ficus saying she was afraid to call me because someone from MCI called her seconds after hanging up the "Save A Lot" call and told her that call was one dollar a minute and she had better pay or they were cutting off her service.

Forget the mom ficus is not an MCI customer. They were shaking her down.

For a dollar a minute.

Where are weekend calls after 5 pm a dollar a minute? Uganda?

I call MCI. It takes five different recorded messages and "punch these keys" sequences and ten minutes on hold to get anyone but I finally get the "High Toll Department." I ask what is the meaning of advertising cheap phone rates and then calling aging mothers and shaking them down for a dollar a minute.

They tell me it is not their problem and transfer me to customer service.

Another ten minutes on hold and then the customer service rep tells me MCI does not call up aging mothers and shake them down. Maybe a con artist is monitoring the mom ficus's phone.

[As far as creative answers go that one rates high.]

I say the people calling said the bill would show up on a regular phone bill that sounds like real billing channels to me.

Uh oh. I had better talk to the High Tolls Department.

Who I already talked to. Which I say. But apparently it is not Customer Services's problem.

Back on hold. Back to High Toll Department. Now the High Toll guy says they are not actually responsible for MCI long distance programs that is Telecom, they will transfer me. [Telecom apparently is the company that handles both Eva Save A Lot and that other service that has all the Alf commercials. Probably you should know there is a problem when a hand puppet that has been off the air over a decade is advertising the service which is why I went with Eva instead of Alf but hey, same company, who knew?]

Back on hold.

Telecom tells me they do not call up aging mothers and shake them down for money.

I have heard that before. Three times already from MCI. Now I hear it twice from Telecom.

I say I want the bill fixed.

They tell me they cannot tell me a thing about the charges or bill because their computers do not register phone charges for at least a week after a call is made.

I ask how their computers registered the call well enough for a representative to call my aging mother and demand she pay them a buck a minute?

They do not know.

I ask for a supervisor.

The supervisor tells me they compare their rates to AT&T and they are cheaper.

I say, Calling what country?

The supervisor says what do I want them to do about it?

I say, reduce that bill you are about to hit my aging mother with that is fellonious considering your advertising campaign which is false advertising you could only be cheaper at those rates compared to a cross continent call which this wasn't.

The supervisor says he cannot adjust a bill they don't have access to billing details.

I say I sure hope he is recording this call for his bosses because I am recording it for the internet.

The supervisor hangs up on me.

I am now an AT&T customer for life.

—Ficus